Wednesday, August 13, 2008

blarg, blarg, blarg

I've been neglecting you. Sorry. Life's been happening and I've been bad about documenting it - oh well, I think we'll all survive. Please accept this epic length, rambling, disjointed entry as some kind of peace offering.

My MIL came down Tuesday to visit. As with all MIL related events my emotions are mixed, but I am really happy that she came down to see Gerald - he's growing and changing everyday and I am sad that she isn't able to see him every week. I really do love her, but it's complicated, and I feel like I am sometimes hyper-critical of her. Being a daughter-in-law is just hard, and now that I have my own little man I'm realizing that one day I will be the MIL. Blahhh.

After lunch yesterday there was a knock on the door - guess who it was?
a) the mailman with a package
b) Patrick from next door looking for popsicles
c) Jehovah's Witness wanting to share the Scripture with me
d) political campaigner

If you guessed C you are correct! I was polite, I promise. I politely declined the literature he wanted me to take. I politely bit my tongue when he asked my religious views. And I politely kept my internal dialogue, internal (go me!) when I saw what he was wearing. I swear his outfit came right out of the 1974 Sears catalog. The pea green and orange paisley was almost too much. The comb-over was fabulous. I really wanted to take his picture, but I really wanted him to go away more. I'm sure you understand.

Gerald is now 5 months old. I can't believe it. I held my friend's two-week old yesterday, and I couldn't believe how big G is compared to him. G was 15 pounds at his last checkup - I'm guessing he's around 16 pounds now. Two weeks ago we moved him out of the pack-n-play in our room into his real crib in his cool jungle room. Apart from a few fussy nap times (I think he was just incredibly tired), he was completely unfazed by the whole thing. I had some issues, and cried the first night, the second night I moved him back into our room for a few hours - I really liked being able to hear him breath when I woke up during the night. But after a few nights of being able to get into bed without walking on eggshells I'm now really into him being in his own room. I also think he sleeps better, because he hasn't been waking up for a 3 AM feeding. It's like my mom says, "Motherhood is letting go." My baby is growing up so fast.

He's still a talker, constantly making noise and having conversations with us - he's very entertaining. I recently started putting him in the exersaucer - he loves it. Our exersaucer came to us as a hand-me-down from our neighbors, and I like it that way. It's basic, no toys attached. I think the new ones look like ADD machines; actually, that's how I feel about a lot of the baby toys I see. G has toys that "require" batteries, but we don't put them in. I just figure that if he gets bored and we do put the batteries in - he'll think he has all new toys :) He's still breastfed 100%, I don't think he's quite ready to try solids yet, and I'm not sold on rice cereal as the first thing he tries (I'm thinking banana, but still researching). He does sit in his high chair with us while we eat dinner, just so he can start to learn about what we do at the table - he's happy because we talk to him and he can see us and play with his toys.

Now on to me. I'm happy, I really enjoy being a mom, and I love staying home with G; I feel really lucky that I am able to stay at home instead of going to work. Which brings me to the subject of my degree, or lack of degree. At first it seemed so easy, take a few classes and transfer the credits up to Tech and that's it. It suddenly got more complicated, Tech has a residency clause, and at first my adviser made it sound like it wouldn't be that big of a deal, and then it suddenly became a huge obstacle. Honestly, I knew I wouldn't be starting classes this fall because I'm not ready to leave Gerald with anyone, so I'm just sending that idea to the back burner - again. I could transfer to another school, but I'm so close to being done that I will need to take extra credits to have enough credits to receive a degree from a different school; and transferring gets messy because of Tech's transition from quarters to semesters while I was there.

Then there's the money, mom and dad won't be paying (I wouldn't even ask them) and my educational trust fund is empty. I could totally justify a loan if having my degree meant my family's situation would change, but it won't - I'm not going to work, and I like the situation my family is in. It would be nice for Gerald to have two parents with degrees, that's what I had growing up even though my mom was at home with us, but it's not like I didn't go to college, or just went to a semester of community college - but it's hard to explain to people that you are 12 credits shy of a degree, and I feel like a liar every time I pretend I finished. Maybe I should just transfer all of my credits to BG and get a degree in interior design, if I'm going to spend the money I should get the degree in something I enjoy, right?

That's all I've got...for now.

Happy Thursday!


AJ said...

The sleeping in his own room is a big step. Noah was about the same age when we made the transition, and I was the same way you were, it was much harder for me than him. Somewhere between 1 and 2 years old, he's reverted, though. I don't remember when, but he will not sleep without us. Oh well, they're only little once:)

On the degree, I understand your situation. JR has one class to go, one class! And he's taken it like 4 or 5 times. His boss doesn't care that he doesn't have it, and at this point, he's got enough experience I don't think it would hinder his future job searching, but it's still a touchy issue.

lamb said...

oh man, im TOTALLY hyper-critical of my MIL. great woman, but NOT the same type of woman i was raised with. i feel everything is a 'test.'

the moment i get in the car with adam , after leaving their place, im all 'what was THAT about???'

Danielle Michelle said...

Hang in there with the school issue...Get financial aid. When I went back it covered everything and was so convenient. Sure, 6 months after graduating you have to start paying it back, but there are deferment options and whatnot and they work well with you.

Brittany said...

I am so glad I am not the only one who fears being a MIL some day!

jr_michels said...

Oooh interior design would be sooo much fun. I've always thought that would be a great career. You would be really good at it too.